


you're in a rut (i know that you know what i mean)

by CallicoKitten



Series: but i've been thinking of you fondly for sure [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Casual Sex, Len and Sara are queer snarky bffs who sleep together sometimes, Multi, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, and gossip about boys, and you cant tell me different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:09:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallicoKitten/pseuds/CallicoKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara watches him with this annoying little smirk on her face and when he's done she takes an overly smug sip of her future-vodka and says, "Well, Leonard, you know what they say about little boys pulling pigtails."</p><p>Len rolls his eyes, "Please. This isn't middle school, Sara."</p><p>-</p><p>in which len takes the long way round to figuring out he's in love with raymond "we're all adults here" palmer and the rest of the gang have to deal with the fact that no, they're really not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're in a rut (i know that you know what i mean)

**Author's Note:**

> um apparently i ship everyone on this show but len/ray mostly so there's that.
> 
> title is from drop it doe eyes by los camp and as much as i think len would _hate_ them, you've got to admit, their lyrics are very him.

It starts after Russia.

Well, in actuality it's always been there but it's not really a problem until after Russia and in the end, it is, like most things, all Mick's fault. Len's known Mick for what seems like forever and as dangerous and out of control and unpredictable as Mick liked to pretend he was, Len has always known one thing to be true: Mick does not like good people. Up until they decided to follow Captain Rip Hunter on his poorly planned romp through history there was only one exception: Lisa.

Now, there's Ray.

Here's the thing: Mick has a code. They all do, you don't get very far in their line of work without one, and while Len will never understand why Mick stood up for him all those years ago when he was a runt in prison for the first time he at least sees what Mick got out of that arrangement. Mick knew Len was smart, Mick knew Len had connections and most importantly, Mick knew that Len couldn't say no to splitting their pay off for any jobs they pulled on the outside. It worked out well for both of them and the rest, as they say, is history.

He doesn't get why Mick saved Ray. It doesn't make sense. Mick's had guys take beatings for him before and laughed at them afterwards. Hell, Mick's had guys _beaten to death_ on his behalf and barely turned his pretty little head. It doesn't add up and now that Mick's gone, it's bothering him all the more.

Mick saving Ray was meant to be a sign that he was coming around to the whole "team" thing. Especially since Ray is still - in Len's opinion at least - the most _useless_ member of said team.

Hell, maybe Mick was swayed by Ray's puppy-dog eyes and his damn _earnestness_ (precisely the reasons Len wanted to leave him to freeze to death in Russia) but Mick's always been more interested in fire and loose women than idiots in metal suits so it's _unlikely._

And the thing is, Len's never had any _illusions_ about Mick Rory. He's never thought of Mick as anything other than what he _is_ and he's never imagined that Mick would _become_ anything other than what he was, but that doesn't mean he doesn't _feel_ his absence. That doesn't mean there isn't some residual - well, not exactly _guilt_ but something like it - for talking the idiot into this whole mess in the first place. Mick has been Len's only constant in life for most of it and he feels that absence every godamned day (and _no_ , he's not going to cry about it, he _is,_ however, going to use it as an excuse to get drunk with Sara every chance he gets though.)

 _Anyway,_ this whole Mick being booted thing has made Ray Palmer even more of a problem for Len than he already is.

Now, the good doctor has always been somewhat of a _problem_ for Len. Before Russia, after Russia, up until their little _skirmish_ with the space pirates this was mostly due to his aforementioned _uselessness_ and even then, it's the _suit_ that's useful. Not Ray. Never Ray. In fact, Len's pretty sure Palmer could have done the world a favour by staying dead. And it's not just that he's continually getting himself into trouble or that he seems to _thrive_ on putting his life on the line to save others, it's that, when it really boils down to it, Ray seems to have at some point confused recklessness for bravery and no one has bothered to correct him.

But for some reason, Mick godamned Rory saw something in Ray that made him _carry_ him out of a gulag and it has left Len with some sort of sick sense of _duty_ towards Ray and the others and maybe it's just the desperation for the security of someone else having his back now that Mick's gone but with Ray it _feels_ different. Like he's honouring Mick's memory with making sure the idiot doesn't get himself blown up. Which is fine, mostly. He can do that without _liking_ Ray, from a distance and _such._

Except Ray keeps being so damn _nice_ to him. Nice and gentle and _patient_ like Barry Allan and his _unwavering_ belief that Len is one hug away from redemption or something _equally_ as a nauseating (and Len has his suspicions that the two have somehow been communicating across time and space.)

Everyone's been different with him since Mick - well, not everyone, Stein is still mostly ignoring Len's existence and Len is ignoring him right back - Hunter has been very gentle, Kendra has been annoyingly helpful, Sara has been leaving increasing quantities of alcohol in his bunk and Jax has become convinced that he is slowly murdering his way through the team. (Len has not yet decided if that is indeed the case.)

And then there is Ray. Ray who smiles patiently and _touches_ Len's _arm_ occasionally and actually once called him _buddy_ in complete sincerity _._ It makes Len want to _throw up_ and he tells Sara this, halfway through a bottle of vodka, the evening (or day or afternoon or _whatever_ time it currently is in the temporal zone) before they land in 1950's America.

Sara watches him with this annoying little smirk on her face and when he's done she takes an overly smug sip of her future-vodka and says, "Well, Leonard, you know what they say about little boys pulling pigtails."

Len rolls his eyes, " _Please._ This isn't _middle school_ , Sara."

He has decided he likes Sara. He's not sure he's ready to call her his _friend_ because he's fairly certain neither of them really go in for that sort of thing anymore, but he finds her infinitely more tolerable than the rest of the team. Plus she brings him alcohol, so there's that.

Sara leans in closer and says, " _Act_ like it then."

Len sighs. This is why he doesn't share his problems with others.

"Look," Sara says. "Ray saved your life, so like it or not the _lest_ you can do is be civil to him."

"I'm _always_ civil."

\---

Things change somewhat after they accidentally leave half their team members behind for two years and Len's no stranger to spending long periods away from people he loves ( _tolerates_ ) but there is something a little unsettling about the knowledge that though it's been a day or so for him, Ray and Kendra and Sara have been away from them for _two years._ It makes Len's head hurt. If Mick were still around Len's pretty sure he would have up and left just from the sheer idiocy of it all.

_Two years._

After the initial angry fallout everyone tries to get back to normal, mostly by ignoring the glaring issues it's thrown up.

Ray and Kendra seem more settled and aside from Ray having an almost full blown seizure the first time they make a big time jump there's not much amiss with them. Kendra is a little more sure of herself and Raymond is annoying as ever.

There's an extra layer of annoyance now though, that mostly rears its ugly head when Kendra touches Ray's arm and Len _hates_ himself for it because he is not _that_ person. He has _never_ been _that_ person and Raymond fucking Palmer is _not_ going to make him.

And there's an evening where Jax says, or maybe simply wonders out loud in Len's presence, "I wonder what's going to happen if we run into Carter again."

Len doesn't respond of course, partly because he doesn't want to involve himself in the half hearted little love triangle Jax has got going on currently but also because he _refuses_ to acknowledge the fact that there is some part of him that has become _hideously_ obsessed with Ray Palmer.

"Maybe it's a weird fetish," Sara suggests. She's drunk and sprawled messily across Len's bunk, a smirk playing across her lips. She's been different since she got back, sharper, more biting and Len never really realised how comfortable they'd become with each other until they were abruptly not once again. Hence the alcohol.

Len raises a questioning eyebrow.

Sara rolls onto her front, peering down at where he's sat against the wall, "You know. Mick saved your life so you became weirdly devoted to him and Ray did the same thing. Hence the obsession. Just try not to take Ray out and shoot him."

Len exhales slowly. He lets it slide because Sara's just spent two years out of her comfort zone and surrounded by assassins and Len's pretty sure none of the rest of the team know how much it hurt her.

(Len understands _intimately._ People like him and Sara don't trust easy, when they're burnt they don't stop and think about the _why_ they just run a mile with the knowledge that it _happened._ )

"Careful, Sara," he says, calmly. "You're supposed to play nice with me, remember?"

Sara lets out a breathy little laugh, rolls back onto her back, "Playing nice is _boring._ " After a few moments she rolls off the bed and pads her way across to him. She kneels down and leans in close so that their faces are mere inches from one another. Normal people, Len thinks, would be at least a little unnerved by having an assassin this close.

"Besides," Sara says, "You like me better when I don't play nice." And when she kisses him it's more like a bite.

\---

Things get back to normal slowly. Or at least, as normal as things can be when time travel is part of your weekly regime. The only unfortunate development here is that Hunter has, for some reason, decided to pair Ray and Len together on as many missions as he can.

Len is fairly sure Hunter's not just doing this punish him for some imagined slight, it's far more likely that this is just the universe's way of punishing him for Mick because it's certainly not down to their _glowing_ past performances together.

Privately though, Len's fairly certain Hunter paired him with Ray because he knows Len'll make the hard calls if he needs to in the field and Len really doesn't like how that makes him feel. He gets it though, Sara's a risk taker, Jax wouldn't leave any of them behind no matter what Stein was saying in his head and Kendra, well. They all know where she'd stand on the matter.

So it's Len. Len who holds Ray's life in his hands because of them all, Ray's the one who runs head first into danger and gets himself captured the most, Ray's the one who ends up in the medbay, Ray's the one who's going to end up dead out of pure stupidity and Len's the one who has to way up the pros and cons of leading everyone else into hell to rescue him.

And it's doubly stupid because he knows they all would. They'd all march single file into the darkest places imaginable for each other and frankly; it makes Len feel _sick_ even though he knows he'd be right there with them. (He can practically _hear_ Barry Allen's smug grin. It resonates across space and time.)

That's why, when the inevitable happens, Hunter's voice crackles over a private channel in his ear, "Snart, this is your call."

Ray's managed to get himself captured by some of Savage's buddies, crooked CIA agents who seem to be behind MKUltra. Ray doesn't have his suit with him, he's supposed to be undercover but once again, he's blown it, getting hauled off in the back of a black SUV because apparently Savage's men aim to check of all the boxes in the "text book villain" area.

Breaking Mick and Ray out of a remote Russian gulag in the middle of the Siberian tundra was one thing, breaking Ray out of a heavily guarded secret prison in the middle of a city is another.

Len sighs, "I'll get the Boy Scout."

"You'll need help," Kendra says across the radio.

" _Yes._ " Len agrees, "So listen up..."

It takes a while and it's not an easy plan to pull off but eventually, he makes it in to Raymond and Ray grins up at him blearily, doped up with whatever the hell they've been pumping into him over the past day or two and says, "I knew you'd come."

And he _means_ it. There's no hint of surprise that it's _Len_ of all people who came to his rescue, no doubt in his stupid brown eyes and Len curses him silently, "You're making an unfortunate habit of this, Raymond," he says, trying to sound as scathing as possible.

"Yeah," Ray agrees, still beaming. "I should probably think about a new hobby, huh?"

\---

"If Savage doesn't kill him, I will," Len tells Sara, that evening. Or whatever passes for evening in the temporal zone. Ray is safe and well and unfortunately, no one else was in favour of leaving him behind again because of his inherent uselessness.

He's sleeping with her mostly because they're both bored and beautiful and there are only so many ways to keep yourself occupied on a relatively small ship but also because he likes her. She might actually be his _friend._ Sara usually doesn't like to stay but on nights like this where it's less fun and games and more somebody loses an eye, she does, nestled comfortably beside him on his bunk.

(They're not _cuddling_ or anything so _banal_ but they're shoulders are touching and every now and again he reaches over to play with her hair. It's _nice_ if you're into that sort of thing.)

"Kendra will tear your throat out."

"I'll do it _quietly_."

"She'd find out," Sara assures him. "And I don't think your freeze-gun would do much against mythical bird powers."

"I could distract her with a mirror," Len insists. "Birds like mirrors."

" _Budgies_ like mirrors."

"So do canaries," Len teases.

Sara grins, "I could break every bone in your hand, you know. Or your neck." She's rolled onto his chest now and her fingers dance playfully across his throat, "Kendra would probably give me a medal. And Jax. And Stein."

"I'm _wounded_."

She laughs and it's nice, it's almost like having the old Sara back, the one that didn't spend two years away from him. It's been slow but she'll get there. "You know, at some point you're going to have to stop pretending you hate him. It's getting boring." She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I _do_ hate him," Len insists.

"Yeah, just not his _face_ ," she says, with a smirk.

\---

The next time it happens, everything is a little more dire.

They're in the 40's, at an ammunition testing range where Savage has involved himself in the war effort by designing weapons of mass destruction and testing them on small town America. Savage has made his escape, leaving his cohorts to bomb the down to pieces as a distraction, Ray and Stein and Jax and Kendra are mounting a rescue mission while he and Sara pick off Savage's henchmen from a distance and Hunter monitors from the ship.

It's getting hairy and eventually Hunter says, "We need to back down."

"Are you kidding me?" Ray snaps. "There are still people down there!"

"I'm with Ray," Jax says.

Hunter sighs, "I _know_ that, but the longer we stay here the more danger we're in. Mr Palmer, think about how catastrophic it would be if Savage were to get a hold of your suit!"

Len's only half listening, Gideon's already told them that saving the townspeople won't have a drastic effect on the time line, that those who are meant to die will eventually because there are some things that _want_ to happen. Len's still a little caught up in thinking about that, in thinking about his father's inevitable stint in jail and his graduation from shitty father to scum of the earth because maybe Savage's war is inevitable and nothing they're doing matters _anyway._

But more than that, when they make changes are they changing _their_ future or creating a new one? This is why Len tends to just go with the flow and not dwell too much on the logic of it.

"We already know that would be a disaster," Sara's voice crackles over the radio, heavy and resigned. "Like Gideon said, the timeline will correct itself. Most of the people we save are doomed anyway."

Ray of course doesn't listen and announces, "I'm not pulling back when there are people still down there!" And - well, famous last words.

The missile hits him squarely in the chest and Ray is thrown backwards in a burst of smoke and metal. Len's up and running before he's even processed it, faintly aware of Kendra screaming in his earpiece.

He's the closest. He can make Ray out a little way away, sprawled in the desert sand. He should be dead. He might be dead.

Len thinks he can see Ray moving. There's static in his ears but Ray is _definitely_ moving and Len reaches him finally, drops to his knees to take stock of the damage.

Len's been patching up war wounds since he was a kid, but he's more used to the domestic variety. This is a little out of his area of expertise.

Ray is flat on his back and gasping, his chest a mess of blood and metal and what Len dearly hopes isn't bone. He's wide eyed and horrifically conscious. Len reaches his side and crouches down, trying to take stock of the damage. Ray gazes up at him, helpless and terrified.

"Report!" Hunter's barking in his ear.

"Not good," Len says haltingly.

Everything feels very slow, the world feels very narrow. All there is a buzz of activity in his ears and Ray's panicked whimpers. His gaze keeps flicking down to the mess that once was his chest and Len doesn't understand why he's awake - by all rights he should have passed out.

"Alright, everyone back to the Waverider," Hunter says.

"I'll get Ray," Jax says.

"Kendra?" Hunter asks.

"She's taking care of whoever shot Ray," Sara answers. "I've got her in my sights."

Len looks up just in time to see Kendra swooping down towards the town, screeching. When he looks back at Ray, he has a hand raised, poised to travel up towards his chest. Len grabs for it without thinking, Ray's hand is warm in his.

Ray looks at him, eyes glassy, " _Snart_ \- " he chokes.

Firestorm are on their way, Len can see them and it's probably only been a few minutes but it feels like hours.

He squeezes Ray's hand, "You'll be alright."  _You have to be,_ he thinks.

And then Firestorm is there, bending down to scoop Ray up and for one absurd moment Len doesn't want to let go. He kneels in the sand for a long time after they've gone, staring out at the smoking wreck of the town, hearing Kendra's awful bird-cries echo. He stays there until Sara appears, barrelling towards him soundlessly and yanking him upright.

"Come on," she says, briskly. Then, she pauses to take stock of him, "That all Ray's blood?" she asks. Her voice doesn't shake but her hands do, one on his shoulder, the other on her rifle.

Len looks down at himself, he hadn't even registered the blood, "Thankfully, yes." he says.

Sara shoots him an unreadable look (perhaps less unreadable and more _unfamiliar_ because _concern_ is something Len is still unaccustomed to seeing from others regarding himself) and keeps her grip on his arm, "We've got to get back to the ship."

\---

Ray's already in the medbay when they get back, Stein and Kendra and Hunter in with him, Jax hovering outside. There's blood on Jax's shirt, more blood than on Len's and he's pacing, walking back and forth across the corridor, fidgeting with his hands.

"Took you long enough," he says, when he looks up and sees them. "Where were you?"

Normally, Len would make some sort of snarky comment in response to that but his ability to speak seems to have vanished which is _horrific_ because he wants - no, he _needs_ to know that Ray is okay.

Sara covers for him, "Snart was waiting for me. Didn't want anyone to get left behind again," she says. "How's Ray?"

Jax grimaces, "Not good. Gideon can fix him though, so he'll be alright. Hunter's getting antsy about sticking around though so he's trying to rush things."

Len lets out a breath he'd been horribly aware of holding and sags slightly against Sara.

"Well," Sara says evenly (though her grip on Len's shoulder tightens a fraction.) "It _is_ dangerous to stay here. Savage could find us easily."

"Yeah, I get it," Jax says. "But I just thought after all we'd been through Hunter'd be more worried about Ray than about Savage finding us. Last thing we need is Gideon doing a sloppy job because the Cap's rushing her."

"I'm sure Rip knows what he's doing," Sara says, slightly strained. Jax makes a face like he's very much unsure of that, an opinion that Len is inclined to share. Of course, he doesn't get to share this, not only because of the aforementioned sudden muteness but because the man himself strides out of the med bay, running a hand through his already rumpled hair.

He looks briefly relieved to Sara and then turns his attentions to Len. "Are you injured?"

Len shakes his head, "All good," he manages to grit out. Muteness be damned.

Hunter nods once. "He's stable enough to move," he tells them. "We're heading to the temporal zone, we need to lay low for a bit. Plan our next move."

"And Ray'll be okay?" Sara asks.

"He'll be fine," Hunter says firmly. "He might be out of it for a few days but he'll be fine." He sighs, rubs a hand over his face. "He was lucky," he says absently. "Very lucky." And then he's gone, sweeping down the corridor towards the bridge.

\---

"Nothing like a life or death situation to make you face up to your feelings," Sara says, quietly. They're in her bunk this time, no kissing, no fucking, just lying pressed together in the half light while the ship hums around them.

He hasn't sat with someone like this for a very long time.

"I'll drink to that," Len says.

And it's not like this is a _new_ thing for them. Len's lost count of the amount of close calls they've had over the past few months, death's become part of the daily routine at this point but there was something - _something -_ about this time. Maybe it was the blood and guts of it all but Len's seen enough men shanked in dirty prison showers to be more than a little desensitised to violence by this point so can't _just_ be that.

 _Maybe it's because the kid took a fucking missile to the chest, Lenny,_ Mick's voice grumbles in the back of his mind. _Bit more dramatic than razor blades stuck in tooth brushes._

Len has to concede to imaginary Mick. It _was_ rather dramatic.

"Miss Lance," Gideon says, quietly. "Miss Saunders is outside your door."

"Let her in, Gideon," Sara says. Len looks questioningly at her, he hadn't thought the two were that close.

The door cracks open and Kendra leans in, uncertainly. She looks _wretched._ Pale, hair frizzing out.  "I'm sorry," she says, faintly. "I just... Stein and Gideon kicked me out of the med bay to get some sleep and I didn't want to be alone."

Sara reaches out to her and Kendra pads across the small room. She moves slowly, jerkily, like she's sleepwalking and when she reaches the bed she stands for a very long while before bending to slip off her shoes.

"I wanted to be there when he woke up," she says quietly, as she curls up on Sara's other side.

"I'm sure you will be," Sara says. "Gideon will let you know if he shows any signs of waking up, won't you, Gideon?"

"Certainly, Miss Lance," Gideon agrees.

"There you go," Sara says.

Len tries not to think about Ray waking up alone in the med bay, chest covered in swathes and swathes of bandages, pale against dark beds. They'd only seen him briefly, after Gideon had taken care of the worst of it. They could have stayed, Jax did, Hunter had returned but Len's legs were threatening to turn into jello and his head was swimming so Sara very kindly led him back to his bunk and sat with him as he pressed his head to his knees and breathed deeply.

"Are you staying?" she asks softly, when Kendra's breathing has evened out.

In answer, he presses a kiss to her shoulder.

"Gideon, lights," Sara says.

\---

In the aftermath of the missile incident, things quieten down a bit and Hunter agrees to a quick layover in Central City. It's not just a visit, he stresses, they're gathering evidence of Savage's future plans but everyone is grateful for the break from disrupting the timeline.

It's about a year since they've left and while Sara and Stein and Jax are off visiting various mothers and wives and whoever else they had in their lives before this whole mess, the rest of them are holed up in Star Labs. Hunter has been corned and interrogated by Harrison Wells (who is apparently a _different_ Harrison Wells - _bizarr-o Wells,_ Cisco had explained, _from another Earth_ ) and a bright eyed, dark haired girl who is apparently his daughter about how the Waverrider works and what he knows (and doesn't know) about time travel.

Ray and Kendra are a little way from Snart, chatting to Barry Allen and Cisco and Caitlin and Felicity Smoak who has been flashed over from Star City for the occasion. Ray is mostly fine now and his head is in Kendra's lap while he chats animatedly with Felicity.

Len's chest is tight so he takes a rather generous draught from the bottle of whiskey he's holding loosely.

Lisa is out of the city at the moment, down in Metropolis causing chaos but he's called her and she's on her way. Until she gets here Len has decided to sit quietly in his corner and drink himself into a coma, it seems preferable to getting drunk with a bunch of science dorks while Allen tries to convince him of his self-worth, or something. Unfortunately, as usual life - or at least Cisco Ramon - has other plans.

He breaks away from the noisy group and for a few hopeful moments Len is convinced he's merely going home, or going on a booze run or something that isn't walking directly towards Len with a goofy smile on his face. Len has promised Lisa that he will at least be _civil_ to Cisco which is very sad for all of them.

"Snart!" Cisco cries, when he reaches him, slinging an arm around Len's shoulders. "My man! Did you know you're an action figure? Isn't that _wild_?"

Sadly, Len is in fact aware of this. Lisa sent him twelve when she found out and Mick spent a few weeks hiding them in odd places for Len to find. He's still considering maiming whoever dreamt them up. Or maybe suing them for using his image without permission. He's probably owed _millions_ in royalties.

"It's _awesome,_ " Cisco continues. "I can't _wait_ until I'm an action figure. It's going to be _dope._ "

Len shoots him a sidelong glance, "You think _you'll_ be an action figure?"

"Oh my god!" Cisco yells. "You don't even know! I got _powers_ ," he grins, stupidly.

Len rolls his eyes, "Of _course_ you do."

"And I went to Earth-Two with Barry," Cisco says. "You're _mayor_ over there, did you know that? It's _crazy,_ right?"

" _Unbelievable_ , I'd say," Len mutters coldly. This must be Barry's latest "you're a good person deep down" tactic. Make up stories about a different Len who turned out less fucked up and ended up doing something with his life.

"It's _true,_ " Cisco insists. "Ask Barry, if you don't believe me. Dude can't tell a lie to save his life."

Well, that was at least true.

"Anyway, _anyway._ I did some snooping while we were over there, I got bored waiting for Barry to do... to do his Barry stuff, you know, and guess what?" He's looking at Len like Len might actually know something about this other world. "You were _married._ "

Len mock gasps, " _No_!"

Cisco is either too drunk to notice Len's tone, or he's so used to people not wanting to listen to him that he ploughs on anyway. Kind of like Ray. "Bet you can't guess to who though?"

Len rolls his eyes, "You?" he throws out, smiling when Cisco frowns and recoils slightly before shaking his head.

"No, bizarro me was evil as fuck, he tried to Cloud City Vader me, you know? Gave me the whole ' _together we can rule the world as evil assholes_ ' spiel. I turned him down, of course, and then Zoom killed him. It was _brutal._ " He shakes his head again, " _Anyway,_ we're talking about _you,_ Snart."

Then abruptly, he frowns, "Hey, where's your scary friend?"

Len wonders if punching him in the mouth can still be considered 'civil.' "I'm not _scary_ enough for you now?"

"Oh, oh, you are _terrifying,_ " Cisco says, unconvincingly. "But you know who I mean."

Len sighs, "He's taking a sabbatical. Somewhere nice and hot."

Cisco snorts, "I'm trying to picture him on a beach."

Len grimaces, "Please don't." Then a horrifying thought crosses his mind, "Wait. This _other_ me, he isn't married to _Mick_ is he?"

Cisco blinks, "What? No, god no." He pats Len on the knee awkwardly. "No, you're married to Ray Palmer."

Len closes his eyes. Let's that statement really sink in and ingrain itself into his bones (and allows himself to briefly imagine a world where not only _marriage_ is an option for him but _Ray Palmer_ is an option.) He drains the remaining whiskey easily and Cisco makes a concerned sound, "Slow down there. I don't wanna be cleaning up puke tomorrow."

Len stands up. He suddenly really, _really_ needs to get out of here. "Don't worry," he says, distractedly. "If I _do_ puke I'll make sure to do it on _you_ rather than the floor."

Cisco looks distressed at that but it's a poor trade off and Len casts around for some alcohol before he makes his escape. He wants to talk to Lisa or Sara or Mick or - well, there's never really been anyone else but instead, it's Barry Allen he has to deal with.

He sneaks out of Star Labs and crosses town to a shitty little dive where the booze is cheap and lethal, the patrons and bar tender are mostly quiet and know who not to fuck with and Len's relatively sure he won't get hepatitis from the surfaces. It's _quaint,_ Len supposes, in his terms at least.

He's well on his way to alcohol poisoning when Barry appears at his elbow and Len's cursing himself for letting this _get_ to him so much. It shouldn't. It really shouldn't, but images of Ray keep walking uninvited into Len's subconscious. Images of him and Ray.

Him in a suit giving speeches with Ray at his side. Sliding a ridiculously overpriced ring onto Ray's finger. Listening to Ray make a fool of himself as he promotes his latest invention.

He takes a drink for every unbidden image, for every twinge of jealousy and rage and every time he thinks about how soft Ray's lips must be, how rough his hands are from working, how -

"One shot of something strong," he slurs.

The bartender glances up at him and slides him a glass without a word. Len raises it in a half-hearted show of gratitude before knocking it back.

"You're working up quite the tab," Barry observes from somewhere behind him.

Len doesn't have the energy to be surprised that the idiot tailed him here. Instead he makes a show of patting down his parker and jeans, "I seem to have left my wallet on the time machine."

Barry rolls his eyes and steps up to the counter, pulling out his wallet.

"Easy there, Allen," Len says. "I'm not done yet."

Barry raises an eyebrow, "Yeah, you are, Snart. Your team wants you back."

Len doesn't argue but this is mostly because he's trying very hard not to throw up all over the counter and the bartender and Barry probably. Barry settles his tab and taps him on the shoulder, "Come on, Snart. Let's go."

Len follows him out obediently and as they start walking back towards Star Labs he notices Barry is looking at him with an odd expression on his face. Len glowers at him, "If you tell me you're proud of me I will shot you," he promises.

Barry smiles, a sad little smile. "I _am_ though," he says. "Look at you; you're making a real difference."

"The only difference we've made so far is screwing up and then going back in time to retroactively _prevent_ those screw ups," Len notes dourly.

"Well, it's still more worthwhile than robbing banks," Barry insists brightly.

"It's a lot less _lucrative_ and a lot more work," Len mutters.

"Did Cisco tell you about Earth-Two?"

"Mm," Len hums. " _Mayor_ Snart. Probably as corrupt as any other politician." He's been thinking about that too. How easy it would be to pull the sort of 'heartening convict reformation' story you see on Lifetime and get elected but he's decided against it. He'd get a nice fat salary sure, but he'd also have to _work._ Makes the whole thing unappealing.

"Awh," Barry says. "I don't believe that."

_Of course he doesn't._

They lapse into silence for the rest of the walk back and it's a _long_ walk back now that the sidewalk keeps sliding away from Len. (Barry offers to run him back but that would involve Barry _touching_ him and Len does not want that to ever happen. He's also _definitely_ sure he'd throw up all over him and that would be partly fun but also partly _disgusting._ )

By the time they do get back Len is mostly sober. Emphasis on the _mostly_ and because fate wants Len's evening to end on a high note, Ray is waiting for them outside the lab.

"I'll take over from here, Barry," Ray says.

Barry, who is mostly supporting Len by this stage ( _touching_ Len. **_Touching._** ) makes a grateful sound, "Thanks for waiting up, Ray," he says brightly.

Len fixes Ray with a dubious look, "Should you _really_ be doing any heavy lifting, Raymond?" He asks crossly. "I'm fairly sure you shouldn't be after your little _accident_."

Barry looks questioningly at Ray.

"I got shot in the chest with a missile," Ray explains, like it was an exciting little occurrence and not one of the most terrifying days of Len's life. "And anyway, you're not that heavy, Snart."

"Right," Len mutters. " _You'd_ know."

"I think he's a little cranky," Barry says because he apparently really, _really_ wants Len to shoot him.

"This is the worst day of my life," Len decides out loud.

\---

Ray has an arm around his shoulders and his annoyingly warm against Len's side on the way back to the ship. Len's half wondering whether Earth-Two Ray Palmer has to do this for Mayor Snart or whether being Mayor has made Len kick his alcohol habit to the curb. The rest of him is trying to convince himself that Cisco was lying just to mess with him. He could have been, Len would have no way of knowing. He should have asked Barry maybe.

While they walk Ray keeps up a very one-sided conversation about everything that's happened since they've been gone, mostly Felicity centred, Len notes, but he tosses in a few snippets about Team Flash here and there too. For his part Len would just like him to be _quiet_ and stop talking to Len like they're _friends._ (Which of course is one of the _infinite_ problems with Ray, the fact that he treats _everyone_ like they're his best friend.)

Ray also takes the opportunity to make as many comments on Len's drunken state as he can, _ridiculous_ smirk on his stupid face every damn time. "Wow," he says, when they reach Len's room. "You must be really out of it, you haven't made one mean comment all night."

The door slides open and Len makes a vain attempt at standing up straight to say, "Would you like me to start?" As Ray drags him into the room.

He shoves Len down onto the bed, wry little grin on his smug face, "Sleep it off, Snart," he says. "We need you - "

He doesn't get a chance to say _we need you ship shape_ or _fighting fit_ or whatever nonsense he's about to spout because Len, against _all_ judgement, _all_ common sense and _all_ the little voices in his head, reaches up and grabs him by the front of his tshirt. Ray makes a soft surprised noise that Len promptly swallows up with a messy kiss.

" _Snart_ \- " Ray  pants, when Len breaks away to press open mouthed kisses along his jaw and throat. Ray whimper-whines and his hands are coming up to -

Len doesn't get to find out what because he promptly shoves Ray aside to throw up over the side of the bed. Ray looks like he's about to wretch, cheeks flushed, still slightly out of breath. Len groans and rolls away from him, pressing his pounding head deep into the cool of the pillow, "Get outta here, Boy Scout," he murmurs.

Ray hesitates before he leaves and Len wishes the bed or the temporal zone would swallow him up so he won't have to deal with the fallout from this in the morning. Sara is going to have a _field day_. Luckily, sleep overcomes him quickly, before he has much of a chance to really think through the ramifications of kissing _fucking_ Ray Palmer in drunken haze.

\---

When he wakes up, there's no sign of a mess on his bunkroom floor and a cool glass of water on the bedside table. He hopes in vain it was Sara but Sara probably would have dumped the vomit on his chest and taken photos or something.

Stupid boy scouts.

He lies very still and wonders if there's any chance it was all a dream. An awful, horrible dream. It wasn't and Len wasn't _nearly_ drunk enough to convince himself it was so he sighs. There's a dull pounding behind his eyes and if it wasn't for Lisa he'd spend the day sequestered in his bunk, hoping the world would swallow him up.

As it stands though, he's not about to cancel on his baby sister.

He sits up with a wince, "Gideon, what's the status on the rest of the crew?"

"Professor Stein, Mr Jefferson and Miss Lance are still off board, Mr Palmer and Miss Saunders are still asleep and Captain Hunter is in his office," she informs him.

 _Excellent._ At least he can sneak out relatively undetected. He dresses quickly in jeans and a ratty hoodie he thinks might have been Mick's at one point and grabs his sunglasses as an afterthought.

He's meeting Lisa at a rundown little diner, a block or so from their childhood home. When they were kids he'd bring her here when their ma was too drunk or sick or sad to make them breakfast. It was open all night in those days, their home away from him.

She's already in their booth when he gets there and she smiles brilliantly, pulling him into a brief hug. She doesn't ask about Mick. Maybe she senses something in Len, maybe she's already figured it out somehow, but she doesn't ask and Len kind of wishes she would. He _wants_ to talk about it with someone - someone who knew Mick as more than a pyromaniac with an itchy trigger-finger, but he's not about to bring it up.

"Oh, Lenny," she says fondly, when he tells her over a stack of subpar pancakes drowned in syrup and bacon, about the nuisance that is Ray Palmer. "Why couldn't you have the hots for the sexy undead assassin?"

 _Well, her too to some extent,_ Len thinks about saying. Instead he settles for raising an eyebrow and, "I could say the same to you."

Lisa frowns at him over her coffee cup.

"Cisco," he explains.

"Ah," she says, with a soft, secret smile. She takes a thoughtful sip of coffee and says, "It appears we have a type."

" _Disgusting,_ isn't it?" Len agrees.

\---

Len does his best to avoid Ray in the aftermath. Not so much that it makes it _obvious_ he's avoiding the idiot but enough to avoid the way Ray smirks at him when they're alone because Ray probably thinks Len doesn't remember his little _slip up,_ which is fine by Len. The first few times are awkward mostly because Ray's cheeks colour slightly and he does a Very Bad Job of pretending nothing has changed between them.

It's _infuriating._

As far as Len knows though, Ray hasn't told anyone. He certainly hasn't told Kendra because Len's fairly certain she would have hawked-out and gouged out Len's eyes or something equally as painful and Len dearly thinks about hacking into Ray's comms devices to see if he's told Felicity or Barry or anyone, but this isn't high school and Len's not _that_ emotionally invested.

(It wouldn't be hard, he thinks. Ray seems like the kind of guy who'd set his password as _password_ just because he knew no one would try something so obvious.)

Len though, Len tells Sara and it goes like this:

Sara's on top of him, panting, head thrown back  and Len squeezes his shut and allows himself to imagine it's Ray above him, Ray making little breathy moans, Ray's hands on his chest. Ray would be heavier; his nails would be less sharp.

He opens his eyes when Sara lets out a low moan above him. Her hair falls in a cascade of golden waves down her back and Len can see something that might be blood from their latest run in with Savage spattered across her collarbone. It's _ridiculously_ hot and Len feels half guilty for picturing Ray when he has Sara in front of him.

Then again, Sara has a name on her lips, mouthed silently over and over and over and it's certainly not _Len's._

He's picturing Ray again, imagining the little sounds he'd make, the way his eyes would flutter shut, mouth kiss swollen and slack and Len's bites back a groan. His hips stutter and Sara clenches around him.

" _Fuck,_ " she whispers when they're done, flopping down on top of him. One of Len's hands comes up to tangle through her hair absently. "Is it weird that I can always tell when you're picturing Ray during sex?" she asks, fingers tracing patterns on his chest.

Len snorts, "Don't be so smug, _princess._ I know exactly who you were picturing too."

"I don't know what you mean," Sara says, innocently.

"Come _on_ , you're just as transparent as me," Len says, with a smirk. "It's the moustache isn't it? Those angst-ridden eyes, that thousand yard stare - " he could go on but Sara thumps him playfully.

" _Stop_ ," she says.

"You do realise he has every intention of stopping his wife from dying, don't you? Ergo, he's probably still at least a _little_ in love with her."

"Duh," Sara says, sitting up and reaching for her bra. "Why else do you think I'm in _your_ bunk and not his?"

"My winning personality?" Len guesses, stretching out.

"Har, har," Sara says. "At least _I_ have an excuse," she adds, glancing over her shoulder with a grin.

"Oh, _I_ don't?" Len asks, with an offended look. "Like, I don't know, the immortal Ancient Egyptian hawk-priestess he's currently _head over heels_ with?"

Sara shrugs, one shouldered, "Look, all I'm saying is he might surprise you. He does have Carter to contend with, after all."

"Carter's _dead_ and unless Kendra is into some _seriously_ unappealing things I doubt he's much of an _obstacle_ these days."

" _That_ Carter is dead, yes," Sara concedes. "But there are others out there and we're bound to run into one sometime."

\---

Frighteningly prophetically, they run into a new - or old, Len supposes - Carter on their very next mission. They pick him up in the Wild West (which is one of the most unfortunate experiences of Len's life because Ray apparently very much enjoys dressing up and playing cowboy. So, interestingly, does Stein but _that's_ not something Len wants to think about every again.)

This Carter's name is Ben and he's just lost his Kendra so in a rather convoluted series of events, and a with a lot of sighing and grumbling and _but the timeline_ 's from Hunter, they end up bringing him aboard. No one's really all that surprised when Ray starts slamming things unnecessarily hard and making convenient excuses to leave the room when Kendra and New Carter enter it. No one brings it up though, everyone seems to have settled for avoiding Ray's eye and pretending it's not happening.

"This is your chance," Sara hisses, one quiet afternoon with a positively predatory smile. They've just had a team meeting during which Kendra kissed New Carter on the cheek and Ray made this _awful_ noise soft in his throat and left hurriedly. "Go get him."

"You have _no_ sense of timing," Len tells her.

"Hey, all I'm saying is you better move fast, with a face like that he'll get snapped up quickly. Maybe _I'll_ even try him out for you."

" _Careful,_ " Len says, lowly.

Sara beams at him, shoving him gently in the direction of the labs, Ray's hideout of choice these days. He looks back at her balefully and she pats the knife at her belt in a manner that suggests she's not above using it on him.

Len resigns himself to his fate.

Ray has his back to the door, bent over a table and rewiring something with more force to his movements than Len thinks is strictly necessary. He stands for a few moments watching, taking in the tension is Ray's shoulder blades, the slow careful way he's breathing. Then, to announce his presence, he clears his throat.

Ray jerks and looks around at him, but he doesn't seem surprised that it's Len who's come to find him. "Look, Snart, if you're going to be mean then please - "

That stings, mildly but Len powers through. It's not like he's given Ray any reason to think differently. "I'm not," he says firmly and Ray glances back at him, decides that Len is here today in the capacity of sounding board and begins to talk.

"Guess I couldn't stand in the way of destiny," Ray says bitterly. It's not a tone that suits him.

"It's alright to be angry, Raymond," Len says quietly.

Ray makes this odd coughing noise in the back of his throat, the kind that could easily be mistaken for a hastily choked off sob. "That's the thing, I'm not angry. Not even a little bit. I guess I just... I never thought she'd pick me, not even in my wildest fantasies."

" _Raymond."_

"How pathetic is that?" Ray mutters. "Even in my own mind I knew she wouldn't..." He shakes his head. This is the part, Len thinks, where he's supposed to pat Ray on the back or something. Len doesn't do this. Eventually, Ray looks up, "But it's okay. She's happy. With him. So it's... It's okay."

And the thing is he's _sincere._

And Len wants to _punch_ him and say, _no. No it's not okay_ and _you deserve better_ and all the other nonsense a lifetime of romantic films have taught him to say, but he doesn't. He stays silent instead and watches Ray work. After a while, Ray starts asking him to pass him things.

It's not much but it's something. It's _civil._

\---

Ray starts to gravitate to him after that, like a little lost puppy. He sits next to Len when he can, he talks to him _incessantly_ and Len tries to reel in the sarcasm, tries to be less biting. (Sara winks and makes lewd gestures whenever she can because this is apparently middle school and Len ignores her as best she can.)

It's kind of nice, maybe Len's maturing or maybe he's just getting used to Ray's oddly endearing brand of 'annoying' but whatever it is, it's nice. _Comforting_. It's someone to fall back on in the field. Ray and Kendra are getting along better too and it's starting to feel a lot more like they might actually win this one.

They pick up some intel from one of Hunter's contacts that results in some timely thwarting and puts back Savage's rise to power by a few years. It's a start and though Hunter's wife and son are still among the dead and the world is still on track for destruction, it's a cause for celebration which of course means drinking.

And they're celebrating doubly today because Jax is finally twenty-one. When Lisa turned twenty-one, Len and Mick took her out and got her drunk enough to put her off alcohol for a year or so and Len has every intention of doing the same to Jax. After all, just because half of the team is made up of functional alcoholics doesn't mean he should join them.

He turns in early, after passing out on the floor and Sara drags him off to bed and doesn't come back. Stein goes next, bowing out gracefully and swaying a little, Hunter has fallen asleep, head tipped back against the wall and eventually, Kendra and New Carter excuse themselves as well.

It's just him and Raymond and that didn't end so well last time.

At least this time, Ray is about as drunk as Len so the playing field is more _equal._

"We should probably think about turning in," Ray says, a few minutes after the hawks have vanished. Len hums in agreement and stands, turning back when Ray doesn't follow suit.

There's a freshly stitched gash just above Ray's right eye, left there by a bullet that just missed blowing his brains out. Len had seen the whole thing; he's been replaying it since then, the loud crack of the gun, Ray's head snapping back, a spray of fine pink mist. He reaches out and brushes a thumb across the mark, mouth dry. It'll scar probably, but it won't make Ray any less handsome.

Ray's breath hitches and Len almost jerks his hand back but Ray is looking up at him, gaze heated, lips parted just a fraction, so he leaves his hand where it is. _Experimentally._

"Snart," Ray says, softly.

"Raymond."

Len lets his hand drop to his side and Ray drops his gaze.

"Do you remember the last time you got this drunk?" Ray asks quietly, a gentle smile playing across his lips. "You probably don't. It was in Central City and I had to carry you back to the ship. And you - well, you - "

Len stops him there, stomach twisting in uncomfortable knots. "I _remember_."

"Oh," Ray looks up, cheeks colouring. "I - uh - "

Len sighs, "If need me to help you to your bunk tell me now, because I am exhausted."

"That would - That would be good," Ray says, cheeks burning. Len sighs again and holds out a hand, hefting Ray upwards easily. Ray sways and stumbles forwards, luckily Len catches him. "Sorry," Ray says, gaze dropping to the floor.

"It's alright," Len grumbles. "I seem to recall I made _much_ more of an ass of myself."

"Oh, you didn't - " Ray begins hurriedly but then he meets Len's gaze for a fraction of a second and looks away hurriedly.

Len takes that as a sign to lead on.

They make it to the bunkrooms with some difficulty, neither of them are by any means sober and Ray has all the grace of a new born giraffe when drunk so there is a lot of slipping and stumbling into walls along the way. Len stops outside his door when they reach it, gently nudging Ray off of him and onto the far wall.

"Well," he says, "This is me."

"Yeah," Ray agrees awkwardly.

He makes no show of moving and Len pauses before opening his door. "You do remember which room is yours?" he says slowly.

Ray meets his gaze again fleetingly, "Yeah, I do, I do, I just - " He takes a steadying breath, "I - uh - you kissed me last time and I was just - I was just - "

Len rolls his eyes, he doesn't know if this is an accusation or a demand for an explanation but right now, he just wants it to be over with so he can retreat into his room and dull the ache in his chest with whatever he's got stashed under his bunk. "Look, Raymond, I was drunk and it was a - "

"A mistake," Ray finishes for him. "I figured - I - "

Len exhales through his nose. He must be feeling _extra_ masochistic today because he says, "No, it wasn't a mistake, Raymond. It was - "

Ray kisses him clumsily. He tastes like whiskey and smells very faintly of gun-powder. Len makes a very undignified noise in the back of his throat and Ray jerks back like he's been burnt. "Sorry," he mutters. "Sorry, I - "

Len growls low in his throat, he grabs Ray by his shirt front and drags him into his room. "You don't get to be _sorry,_ " he says, pressing Ray up against the door. Ray's eyes are dark, blown wide. Len stretches up and kisses him again, scraping his teeth along Ray's bottom lip when he pulls away.

Ray whines.

"I'm not sorry," Len says. "Are you?"

Ray shakes his head.

Len kisses him again. And again. And again. Ray gets less clumsy which each one, less uncertain, more heated and Len thinks _finally_ as he kisses down Ray's throat, biting and sucking and leaving his mark.

Ray groans, "Fuck, _Len_."

Len grins against his throat, "Language, Boy Scout." he scolds.

Ray lets out a breathy laugh, " _Eagle_ Scout." he corrects.

"Well, you should _really_ know better then," Len says, with a smirk.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://paracosmss.tumblr.com/)


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